Babblings of a happy girl

Yes, it has been a ridiculously long time since I have been on here. My life has been a constant up and down lately, but as always I keep a positive outlook even on the days I want to just sit alone and cry. It has now been 11 months that I am single. where most would say this is a sad thing I am actually pretty happy about it at the moment.I know that when the time is right I will find the man that is right for me. I am not looking nor am I sitting around and waiting. I am living and intending on living my way for a long time. I am working on my art, life, happiness, making money, dancing and everything else that makes me smile. I don't have to answer to anyone and I dont have to worry about calling, texting, making sure I tell someone where I am or going or wondering the same for them. It isnt that I want to become asexual or anything. I am just lvoing my apartment and the fact that it is mine.......I am loving my life and the fact that it is my own.......and the awesome fact that If I want to be a goof ball I can. I can be myself.
I am working on my bucket list more and more. I am trying to get some Katana lessons and also working on setting up classes with my partner to teach our dance to. I am also very excited because this year will be the first year I will be attending Dragoncon!!! I cant wait. I already got one of my costumes in the mail and can't wait to put it on!!!
 Thousands upon thousands of people that are dorks ust like me!!! I cant believe how awesome this will be. Any who.... I am also dancing again which is making me happier, tomorrow finally going to one of my favorite dive places...MJQ's. Ok now I feel I am really rambling when all I wanted to do was update my working journal of sorts. ah well.
I hope everyone has a beautiful night and a wonderful morning! Peace, Love and Happiness!

 

the stress bucket of fun

Image by Eyesplash via FlickrWow, I havent been on here in a hot miniute. I semi miss my blog of nonsense. Since I started this new job I have been super busy with studying and preparing to go out in the field that my mind has started frying. not only is my art being put on hold for a moment but I think my cat might bite my jugular in my sleep. haha Its still nice to have something to come home to. More and more I see how my life is changing...not in a bad way actually in a very good way. I am so happy that the Mother is guiding me into a world anew and giving me challenges. Now don't get me wrong I am a little freaked out at the moment hoping that I dont screw anything up, but I am still driving home smiling and proud of myself everyday for not quiting. I just keep saying to myself...you can do this....you got this...you know that you wil succeed. Tomorrow is my video presentation and this weekend I will do some of my partaking observations, then doing my presentations in front of my trainer then I am out in the feild. Good gracious. Again..I got this I got this.
I also am noticing that the fact that the guy I thought was perfect was just another ass that I need not to deal with. Do I still have feelings for him? Of course I really wanted to be with this guy, but I am realizing that I can do better and I will wait for someone that deserves me. Anywho I will leave off with this:
Don't be with a person if you pine for someone else. Don't say you love someone and lust after another. Speak the truth and be happy, things happen for a reason but fate can only bring you so far, once you get there it is up to you to push for your destiny.

Random thought at 3:30

(Image by Brandon Christopher Warren via Flickr)
Image via WikipediaDon't give up hope on love. I believe that is not a request that is a demand. I am not sure if i was pmsing last night but I was incredibly bitter for some reason or another. I just have had enough of sill childish relationships and the heart ache that comes with them. Im tired of not being able to trust my partner, tired of not having anything in common with them, tired of giving my all only to have them give me nothing in return. No I am not giving up on the fact that one day I will find someone. Im just simply saying that until that man comes along I am going to enjoy this new found independence. This has been the longest time I have ever been single and yes there are days that I get lonely and wish that prince charming would knock on my door, but the rest of the days I am loving thinking about me, just me. I love that I have my own place and my own things, I am keeping busy. there is someone out there for me, someone that I see in my dreams. I have decided on somethings in the past few months. I want to actually form my bucket list and each month do at least two things to cross off on the list. maybe the trips will be once a year but I will accomplish everything that I want to do in my life. I feel that we all deserve that. Some of us forget who we are along the road to love. We give up on ourselves for our significant other. Forget our dreams and goals. some are lucky enough to have a partner that doesn't sufficate them and actually helps them and encourages them . I have decided on the trip that I want to take this year, as much as I want to go to JApan, unfourtunately that wont happen this year, maybe I will get to volunteer there, but I have decided to save and make a trip to Venice. I love italy and have been to Venice twice, but I really want to go back for more than a day and enjoy the romance of venice, plus I feel comfortable enough there to explore and be safe. Plus it is a place I can sit and write. work on my art, my books, my self. ah a dream....a dream I will put into action. :

I am happy again

It takes a lot of courage to step out your door and even more courage to take that first step. Right now I feel as if I am taking giant leaps into the world! I have been in such a good mood and even though I know that things can't always be in the sunny side up of life I am not worrying about the bad days or sad days that I will encounter. IT is weird for me to think that I have been single, happy, busy, and moving forward towards things that I want in and out of life. It may take a while or I may hit snags but Im here. I actually look in the mirror and like what I see...no love what I see. I can run two miles now and walk 10. I have a wonderful apartment and a even more wonderful cat. A wonderful family and fantastic friends. This is the stuff that you see in a movie when things are looking up.  also was thinking about the fact that I have been single now for a full eight months and I actually am happy about this. I know that I will one day find the man of my dreams but I am having a good time living in my own place, doing the things I want and not have to worry about the stress a relatioship can put on me. no I am not giving up on love, love is all around me. My friends have a great mariage and have now asked me to be the godmother of their future child...I cant begin to tell how happy this makes me. My "sister" and her husband are amazing together, my parents, and several other people that make me believe that I will one day have someone to share my heart with. Until then I am going to keep on with me.

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The First Fall Entry

      Here we go again. I want some more, what are you waiting for. I feel incredible lately, the weather makes me so much happier. It seems like clockwork every year I make the biggest changes of my life around these few months at the end of the year. I feel it! I am getting an apartment, right in the middle of the busy part of the city, my friend and mine's company has a pre-opening in November at a major fundraiser, and I am slowly realizing that to love someone is to forgive, grow, and accept things. Even loving yourself means doing these things. I have to learn to forgive myself, love myself, and learn that all these things that happen in my life are all part of growing up. I am learning that I am who I am. Some people get me, some don't and some won't ever get me. I can't apologize for the things I do that are me and I can apologize for the things that I may hurt some people.

       I am a true believer of life falls in and out according to itself, or to say in other words, things happen for a reason. True some don't share the same beliefs that I do. There are some that may tell me that things are God's plan or Buddha's, maybe even Shiva, whomever you want to call it. Me I call it fate. But fate only can bring you so far, once you get there its up to you to make things happen.  As far as the traveling that I keep talking about. I really want to take a trip. Either it be with the boy, friends, or myself, I want to take a trip. I really think that it is going to be NYC. Each time I have gone there in the past few years I haven't really gotten to see it. Plus, I love the Holidays and I always hear that The Big Apple is really beautiful during the holidays. Plus I might actually get to see snow. We shall see. I will keep my fingers crossed.  

                                                                                  

Dear Chuck Taylors

Image via WikipediaMy Chucks take me walking, walking around the world. I love my Chuck Taylors. They are my favorite shoes. They are old and dirty, go with everything, (well almost anything) and they never disappoint me. My chucks take me out dancing, riding, driving, traveling, walking and they never tell me I look bad. Last night I went to MJQ's, one of the dirtiest, dingy clubs one could go to. Dancing and forgetting the world. When I dance I just let go, its one of the only times that I don't worry about anything. It is the time that I can be myself and not worry about what people think or expect of me. Plus, the best thing about this club is that most of the people that attend are misfits and outcasts. It's a place I can wear my little Plaid skirt, chucks or docs and don't think about my look. Just dance. I even gave myself a funky make shift Mohawk, I felt so at ease. I even battled this guy. My 10 minutes of Mjq fame. People circled around us, my heart was beating, ears blasting the sound, my head clear and just feeling the music and I just did it. I was nervous for only a moment, people watching can be a scary thing. But I did it. I finally realized that they were there watching me, Me. It is amazing how I can talk so well about dancing and how I feel when I dance, but ask me to describe my heart or what my dreams are I get so guarded.  Sometimes I feel as if I will never be understood. Yes, I have great friends and a boyfriend that loves me. I am not saying that they don't care are accept me, I just don't tell people what is inside my head. Okay so the Becca's a bit crazy inside her head? Yes, I'll admit I tend to daydream a lot and inside my head there are secret wishes and dreams that I will never tell anyone about. I will tell my journal. ::smiles:: Sometimes I feel as if there is so much that I tell my journal and not others. Call it insecurity but I have always had one and its the one thing that I tell everything to. It's where I can express how I feel then go back to and actually try to understand myself. That's why I started this thing. I wanted it to be about me trying and learning to do new things each month, but I finally understood that life is the lesson. Learning how to live is what I need to be writing about. My mistakes, my journeys, and adventures. All of it. My dreams and wishes to be kept in the journal and one day I'll be brave enough to write my novel. One day I will write my poetry again. But today, Today I am happy just living. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I can do this. I can do this.
Image via Wikipedia

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Today Today Today

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So started a new thing today. Geo Caching! Yes, I know that people have been doing it for years, but wow. I never thought that something so tiny and out of the blue could be so rewarding. I had so much fun looking at my phone as a map and compass. Walking around  the city finding the location. It was relaxing just thinking about the mini adventure I was on. 

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