The Why Not Realization

So we all go through a period in our lives where we hit a happy medium. Happy with the way things are going, single but not alone, secure, peaceful. It's hard to explain the feeling that I have. I guess it can come to the love my self and why not stage.
The why not stage. This is the stage that one discovers their selves in ways they never thought imaginable, no...dont directly lead your minds to the guter. Im talking about really searching the soul. you start small with things such as, I really want to watch Eat, Pray, Love for the 9th time, why not? no one is here to say anything to me, no one is going to fly through the window and scream....hey becca stop watching that movie. no. if  I want to watch this movie I am going to watch this. It also works with snack food, so I am a little addicted to chow mein noodles and have a bag of them, I really wanted some while I watch this movie. so I thought why not? I jog and/or walk 6-10 miles a day, that's pretty damn good, I think I will have those little noodles.
today a friend of mine told me his girlfriend was 34, first I wanted to give him a high five, I love hearing lovey dovey tales. then I was thinking about the fact I am 27, what does it mean that my friends are dating older women? is it the same as older men dating younger women? will I be single till im 34? All these questions yet as I walked out of the salon I realized that all the questions that I wonder about on a daily basis will be answered eventually. I just got to live life, for me. I might be a bit redundant but I have to keep reminding myself that I am worth the wait, I am worth the work, I am worth the life that I have been given.

Image via WikipediaSo today I went and saw, Eat, pray, Love. IT was amazing! I loved the whole thing and thought that it was really relevant to my life at the moment. I know most people don't get inspired by movies, or maybe they do. it just made me realize that I can't hold back anymore. I have to do the things that I always day dream about. Why should I be scared of doing the things I want? Sometimes I think that I am too old, too young, to scared, to silly for any of the things I want. This movie made me think about all the things I want to do in life, that I shouldn't wait to do. I want to travel, taste different foods, meet different people, study, learn, live, love and experience all that I want to experience. Why do I hold back? Sometimes I feel that when I hold back and wait I keep losing myself. Isn't the point of loving someone is because they love the you that you hide? So I have made a vow.....I promise myself I won't hold back. I won't be afraid to read, write, travel, try, learn, do, give, speak, and love.  I thought that by me turning 26 I would have to have it all figured out, I would have to have my life sorted and married, career, home and everything that comes along with that. I was trying to grow up to fast. I just need to relax, forgive myself, let myself be whom I really want to be. I can still have the love life I want and be independent, I can still give my heart to him and not give up my life and wants. I will not hold back, I will love my self, I will be positive.
Image via Wikipedia

So I started working out again. I feel great, I can jog longer, dancer more, and look at myself a little better in the mirror. It is giving me such a good feeling to be more excited about getting healthier. It also is making me feel stronger, I feel so empowered. I feel great, although things are taking a little longer than I thought but I still am very positive. 

Okay, on to the love life update. The boy and I are working things out and things are starting to look very good. There is a difference in him but the same. It is the man that I feel in love with before. It was like he was hiding. We talk like we used to, laugh lie we used to and dream like we used to.  I'm not saying I'm not scared. I am, but I have a new sense of direction. I know now that I have to take things slow. I have been given a second chance and try so that I can get to know him. work things out with him and get our lives back in order. I do love him very much. Now it's time to love me as well. To forgive myself. To let live and let love. I have to understand that things are going to happen and I can't do anything about it. As well as my actions. 

I need to stop apologizing for my actions and the way I do things. I need to come to the understanding that this is me,  this is the Rebecca I was destined to be. The Rebecca that needs to express herself. And I will. Oh yes I will!!! I have to promise myself that I will, i can, and I will do what I want. 

Good night all! Love and hugs

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