Babblings of a happy girl

Yes, it has been a ridiculously long time since I have been on here. My life has been a constant up and down lately, but as always I keep a positive outlook even on the days I want to just sit alone and cry. It has now been 11 months that I am single. where most would say this is a sad thing I am actually pretty happy about it at the moment.I know that when the time is right I will find the man that is right for me. I am not looking nor am I sitting around and waiting. I am living and intending on living my way for a long time. I am working on my art, life, happiness, making money, dancing and everything else that makes me smile. I don't have to answer to anyone and I dont have to worry about calling, texting, making sure I tell someone where I am or going or wondering the same for them. It isnt that I want to become asexual or anything. I am just lvoing my apartment and the fact that it is mine.......I am loving my life and the fact that it is my own.......and the awesome fact that If I want to be a goof ball I can. I can be myself.
I am working on my bucket list more and more. I am trying to get some Katana lessons and also working on setting up classes with my partner to teach our dance to. I am also very excited because this year will be the first year I will be attending Dragoncon!!! I cant wait. I already got one of my costumes in the mail and can't wait to put it on!!!
 Thousands upon thousands of people that are dorks ust like me!!! I cant believe how awesome this will be. Any who.... I am also dancing again which is making me happier, tomorrow finally going to one of my favorite dive places...MJQ's. Ok now I feel I am really rambling when all I wanted to do was update my working journal of sorts. ah well.
I hope everyone has a beautiful night and a wonderful morning! Peace, Love and Happiness!

 

Life can play out funny and unexpected sometimes. We never know what will be handed to us or what will come up. sometimes it is something that is taken away without warning. Lately I have been trying to figure out why I have been handed the cards of blah. Things are going so well minus the dating department. So some jerk broke my heart, stole my money and cheated on me. Then I cool it for a while and meet yet another amazing person and begin to show feelings towards him. Things were going well and then without warning he disappeared into oblivion and now avoids me like the plauge. Ok. Then I start meeting these guys (not a lot) and going on dates only to find out that I must have personal escort written on my forhead. No!! Just because I am saying yes to going on a date with you does not mean that I will hop in the sack. Left and right I am just getting more and more disappointed in the the men around here. While my friends just get luckier and luckier. not that I mind, I am very happy that my friends keep getting great things in their lives. Babies, weddings, engagements, boyfriends...etc. I am becoming more and more the third, sometimes fifth wheel. I go through these stages of acceptance...well Im happy being single...then it will be well I feel kinda lonely today. Back and forth like a bloody tennis match. for example I had a date with a guy today, he asked em to go to lunch with him at a pretty nice restaruant and right before I was about to leave he asked what I was doing afterwards. I told him I had to get back to get some work done. He then told me he want to "hang out" with me after wards and again I told him I couldn't. Now we didnt even get to lunch yet and this guy just assumes that we would hit it off enough to continue the date. When I told him I couldnt he then sent me a text..a text! telling me that he is going to have to pass on lunch. rEally? because I wont sleep with you on the first date you wont even take me on a first date. looser! But still after having something happen like this and then hearing stories of how wonderful my friends dates, boyfriends etc are I just get a little upset. understandably so. Still I can not loose hope or faith right?

I am happy again

It takes a lot of courage to step out your door and even more courage to take that first step. Right now I feel as if I am taking giant leaps into the world! I have been in such a good mood and even though I know that things can't always be in the sunny side up of life I am not worrying about the bad days or sad days that I will encounter. IT is weird for me to think that I have been single, happy, busy, and moving forward towards things that I want in and out of life. It may take a while or I may hit snags but Im here. I actually look in the mirror and like what I see...no love what I see. I can run two miles now and walk 10. I have a wonderful apartment and a even more wonderful cat. A wonderful family and fantastic friends. This is the stuff that you see in a movie when things are looking up.  also was thinking about the fact that I have been single now for a full eight months and I actually am happy about this. I know that I will one day find the man of my dreams but I am having a good time living in my own place, doing the things I want and not have to worry about the stress a relatioship can put on me. no I am not giving up on love, love is all around me. My friends have a great mariage and have now asked me to be the godmother of their future child...I cant begin to tell how happy this makes me. My "sister" and her husband are amazing together, my parents, and several other people that make me believe that I will one day have someone to share my heart with. Until then I am going to keep on with me.

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I sometimes think that I am dreaming

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I know I believe that everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wish that I could freeze moments. I am doing really well with most of the things in my life right now. I am officially an editor, I still get to do my art work, I still get to do freelance. I am so happy about this. I also have been given a gift...one that I can't metion till Monday but I can say that it has made me very very happy. I also have been dancing more and more, going out and even dancing by myself. I love it. I am dating and happy to be single with minor thoughts here and there. I was in mjqs Wednesday and all I could think of for some reason was him, my birthday and the thought of kissing him. I don't know why, I know that it has passed and I am obviously not what he wants but I still can't get him out my mind. It's not all the time just at random moments and always at the wrong tim

I can't deny that things are good, I am dancing again, not just in the clubs but everywhere. I am smiling for no reason but because I am happy. I have come a long way some might not see it or might not know. It is hard to see through the metal walls that I have up. It is very true that a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. I know the man that actually wants to know them will be the one worth my time. I also have way more confidence than I ever thought I could have. I mean if you were to see me in high school compared to now it would be a big difference. I was shy, quiet and only my friends knew the "me" that was screaming to get out. I don't regret very much that I have done, said or had done to me. I have learned a lot from my mistakes, heart ache, shame, sadnes, happiness, etc.

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