Babblings of a happy girl

Yes, it has been a ridiculously long time since I have been on here. My life has been a constant up and down lately, but as always I keep a positive outlook even on the days I want to just sit alone and cry. It has now been 11 months that I am single. where most would say this is a sad thing I am actually pretty happy about it at the moment.I know that when the time is right I will find the man that is right for me. I am not looking nor am I sitting around and waiting. I am living and intending on living my way for a long time. I am working on my art, life, happiness, making money, dancing and everything else that makes me smile. I don't have to answer to anyone and I dont have to worry about calling, texting, making sure I tell someone where I am or going or wondering the same for them. It isnt that I want to become asexual or anything. I am just lvoing my apartment and the fact that it is mine.......I am loving my life and the fact that it is my own.......and the awesome fact that If I want to be a goof ball I can. I can be myself.
I am working on my bucket list more and more. I am trying to get some Katana lessons and also working on setting up classes with my partner to teach our dance to. I am also very excited because this year will be the first year I will be attending Dragoncon!!! I cant wait. I already got one of my costumes in the mail and can't wait to put it on!!!
 Thousands upon thousands of people that are dorks ust like me!!! I cant believe how awesome this will be. Any who.... I am also dancing again which is making me happier, tomorrow finally going to one of my favorite dive places...MJQ's. Ok now I feel I am really rambling when all I wanted to do was update my working journal of sorts. ah well.
I hope everyone has a beautiful night and a wonderful morning! Peace, Love and Happiness!

 

I wont because Journey told me not to

What is it with Valentines day and the surrounding days that make us singletons feel worse than ever. Now Im not saying its a horrible holiday or anything but it puts a lot of added attention to the fact that we will subject ourselves to the massive amounts of couples publicly professing their love for one another. Again, not a bad thing but when you are a single woman living with a cat, it kinda sucks. Not that being single living with a crazy cat sucks, its more of the matter, that you are titled cat lady. ::Giggles:: I am actually staring to think that my dream guy might not actually exist, or he's gay. 

Well I guess that is why they are called dream spouses, I mean who the hell am I to say what is perfect or not. I know what I want out of a guy or from a guy. I think I am just a bit intimidating when it comes right down to it. I think that it is hard for some to see this wild and crazy woman and say yeah, I could be with her. No! I'm not saying this in a bad way, I am very happy with who I am. Wow, go figure, finally admitted that I am happy with me. I want a guy that thinks I am just as beautiful in a dress and heels as well as in my Transformers pj's. Yes, I have Autobot pajama pants and I love them. A guy that can cuddle all night and wake up in the morning and not want to get up because it will ruin the moment. Someone who enjoys doing things with me even if it is silly. Yes, I go to the Zoo and Aquarium and I am just as excited as the three year old next to me. Knows what a date is and no that doesn't just mean take me to dinner, a date means actually coming up with something creative. Can handle me at when I dance, and would be an added bonus if he could to. Has to accept the fact that I go to Ren Faire and yes  know the difference between, Daggers, swords, rapiers, broad etc. Can handle the fact that I play video games, have a cat, love pirates, drive a muscle car and could pretty much live my life as a musical. So I short someone like me or who can accept me for who I am. Not entirely sure why this turned into a vision board of what I want in a mate, but hey why not. Im sure there are more realistic ideas, like he has to have a job, or being able to be exclusive. But, hey I think those are pretty much implied. 

I know that things happen for a reason and that fate can only bring you so far until you have to get the rest. I still believe that there is someone out there for me, maybe two. My mom told me that I have to kiss a lot of frogs to get my prince. The last one was kind of a toad, but hey, who cares. Im not sweating what happened. I learned a lot from it. I'm not going to waste my time on someone that has no love for me, or has no want to be with me. why should I waste my heart on someone who doesn't deserve it. 

 This man ^^^^ He gets my heart!1 hehe How can you not love a face like this? :-)

Happy Holidays

Image via Wikipedia I can't believe that it has almost been a whole other year. I always look back around this time and realize the things that I have learned, failed, accomplished, tried, did and want to do. I don't want to keep promising myself things and not fulfilling them . Which is one of the things I hate the most. I hate broken promises and when its myself doing them, I go mad. This time of year I just get happy and refreshed. I love the Fall and Winter. The decorations, songs, clothes, and just general cheer and happiness. Maybe not from everyone but at least enough to make me happy. As i look out my window with the chrismas station on pandora I just think of things. The people that are in my life, my goals, dreams, wishes. Knowing that a thousand other people might be doing the same exact thing. Maybe there is someone who is thinking about how much the hate this time of year. pisshhh! haha Okay well maybe that was a little much. I finally started writing again. Its back. I am getting my artistic life back, weird sounding I know. My fire was just burnt out for a while. Feeling down and out, and then I started to get better and better. I can say I am painting, writing, singing, drawing and next step baking. I'm gonna be okay. I just had to be the one to tell myself that.

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Why is Sorry the hardest thing to say........for most people

Why is it that I always opt for the easy route by choose to stay on the rougher path? I am so tired of trying to figure out certain aspects of my life, yet I continue and continue till I am too mentally exhausted to think of anything else. I keep checking my past journals and I definitely have made changes, progress, differences that I have seen. My mother just keeps telling me how strong I am when half the time I don't really see it. I do think that I have been through a lot in the past few years. Why is it so hard to notice things happening when they are happening right at the moment. I hate the ups and downs of dramatic intervals and stellar complications. There has got to be something better than this. There has to be a reason why I go through such crazy episodes. There has to be a reason that I have CRAP magnet on my forehead. I know I am feeling sorry for myself right now, it will pass. It just seems that I am missing all the signs, I feel as if I am running into things I can't control. I know that I want things and those things are pretty simple. Normal by my standards. A career/business, family, friends, etc.  I have been called so many things in my life, negative and positive, I wonder what's being said now. I wonder what people say about me without knowing whats really happening. What would they say if they knew the whole thing, the whole story? I wonder. I really think that if they knew what was going on the judgement would be placed differently. I refuse to pay into it anymore. I just don't care anymore. I have so many good things in my life to think about. I need to stay strong, I need to forgive. I am not waiting anymore for the apologies that will never come, the miraculous saving to happen, the game that I should win. I am starting to believe that I expect to much from myself and others. Which in a sense can be bitchy, sometimes I can be. I tell myself that it all is just a misunderstanding, they are just having a bad day, there's got to be a reason for why people do this or say that. I think that there is good in all. I want to believe that everyone has a conscience. Some people don't. 

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