the Idea of a soul mate

Its funny to think of how things change, progress, develop. Take for example the fact that I was going to get married, me...yes as much as I want to find that someone that compliments me woop woop, I also came to the acceptance that I might not get married. I really didn't expect a man to "get" me. I was a bit out of sorts yesterday because it marked the one month point. Then as if by awesome powers at be, the bestest friend called. We had decided the day before that we would be each others V day dates. So we decided to go all dressed up to a diner, have a ridiculous meal for two, drink and celebrate our lives and this new year. Our year! Now back to the soul make comment. I believe that we all have soul mates, yes I really do and not just one. My cat for example, call me crazy but this little bugger is one of them, he is like my Spirit guide of sorts. Then there is the best friend. When I met Askia we both knew right away that we had met our friend match and that we would be friends for a very long time. I have come to realize this past year how much it really means. At first we did some sessions and this girl got things out of me that I had buried deep within, she got me to open up and be myself with no regrets, no hatred towards myself. At times yes I might need to tighten the reigns on myself for the shear fact that I can be a bit overpowering. So last night we talked about things of past and things of future. We find it a bit ironic that the both of us were in serious relationships and at the same time found out how ridiculous these men were and that we weren't happy. We both helped each other through the break ups and through the "I want to kill myself with the....death by sugar approach!" but in the end we both made it out just fine.
Now the two of us have decided to accomplish our bucket list together. We want the so many of the same things out of life and we both have finally found someone to share it with..and who will also push us to do them.

I wont because Journey told me not to

What is it with Valentines day and the surrounding days that make us singletons feel worse than ever. Now Im not saying its a horrible holiday or anything but it puts a lot of added attention to the fact that we will subject ourselves to the massive amounts of couples publicly professing their love for one another. Again, not a bad thing but when you are a single woman living with a cat, it kinda sucks. Not that being single living with a crazy cat sucks, its more of the matter, that you are titled cat lady. ::Giggles:: I am actually staring to think that my dream guy might not actually exist, or he's gay. 

Well I guess that is why they are called dream spouses, I mean who the hell am I to say what is perfect or not. I know what I want out of a guy or from a guy. I think I am just a bit intimidating when it comes right down to it. I think that it is hard for some to see this wild and crazy woman and say yeah, I could be with her. No! I'm not saying this in a bad way, I am very happy with who I am. Wow, go figure, finally admitted that I am happy with me. I want a guy that thinks I am just as beautiful in a dress and heels as well as in my Transformers pj's. Yes, I have Autobot pajama pants and I love them. A guy that can cuddle all night and wake up in the morning and not want to get up because it will ruin the moment. Someone who enjoys doing things with me even if it is silly. Yes, I go to the Zoo and Aquarium and I am just as excited as the three year old next to me. Knows what a date is and no that doesn't just mean take me to dinner, a date means actually coming up with something creative. Can handle me at when I dance, and would be an added bonus if he could to. Has to accept the fact that I go to Ren Faire and yes  know the difference between, Daggers, swords, rapiers, broad etc. Can handle the fact that I play video games, have a cat, love pirates, drive a muscle car and could pretty much live my life as a musical. So I short someone like me or who can accept me for who I am. Not entirely sure why this turned into a vision board of what I want in a mate, but hey why not. Im sure there are more realistic ideas, like he has to have a job, or being able to be exclusive. But, hey I think those are pretty much implied. 

I know that things happen for a reason and that fate can only bring you so far until you have to get the rest. I still believe that there is someone out there for me, maybe two. My mom told me that I have to kiss a lot of frogs to get my prince. The last one was kind of a toad, but hey, who cares. Im not sweating what happened. I learned a lot from it. I'm not going to waste my time on someone that has no love for me, or has no want to be with me. why should I waste my heart on someone who doesn't deserve it. 

 This man ^^^^ He gets my heart!1 hehe How can you not love a face like this? :-)

Happy Wholadays

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the weather, decorations, clothes, gatherings, etc. Its just so beautiful. It's also that time of year that I get the loneliness. yeah yeah I know sappy. Not so much to be in a relationship,  knowing that I really don't want to be serious right now. Just someone to spend time with, to share things with, cuddle and to do things with. Seems somewhat shellfish but its the truth. i know I keep saying redundant things these past few entries, maybe its to reassure me that I do this blog for myself and no one else. Well maybe for the poor souls who have similar happenings in their life.
I know I should consider myself lucky, I have a great apartment, spectacular view, started writing my book (I know finally), trying to get or company going, and getting my life back on track. I tend to get a bit depressed thinking about the relationships that I have wasted my young twenties on. Yes, I do look at them as learning experiences but I still wish that I was strong enough to have stood up for myself more. Now here I am 26, single, finding out about myself for the first time. Well, My friend has been helping me work on that for about two years now, haha! But none the less, I guess I will be the one saying that it is never to late to do something, or to find something out or to follow your dreams. It may be hard but isn't it supposed to be?
I sit here typing about my life hoping that some where out there, there is someone that will get me, understand me, love me, and want to spend time with me because of me. Some day soon.

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