Monday, February 14, 2011

Just because of the date

So today is the one day a year that all the couples in the world get to show off their love to one another. Some just for show, I mean, you know the ones that right all the time, but because he takes you to a nice restaurant on V day you think he is the greatest. Why can't we do this crap on a daily basis, then it wouldn't seem that people are rubbing it in my face that...yes you are single. Thank you very much. I try to put on a good front about things when all I want to do is just cry because I secretly want that. I want that guy to put his arms around me, look at me and smile. Notice the want and no need comment. Yes, I want this! I don't need it. 27 the age when you learn the difference of want and need, yippie! Anyway, I may sound bitter but Im a little out of sorts today. Thank goodness the bestie came over last night. After having a minor melt down on the phone with my mom. I was actually thinking about just staying in bed all day and letting it pass by. Nah!! I have things to do, and while most our out cuddling, kissing, eating, loving, getting flowers, and enjoying a holiday about love, Ill be here, writing my book, singing my songs and cleaning. I'm not hating on couples, I think I am just upset because of where I was going, and where I am now. The worst part about this whole thing is I have a crush....yes I do. It scares the hell out of me, I thought that this would't happen to me for a very long time. I must reminded myself that crushes are the gateway drug to infatuations and obsessions! Also all the other things that come along with having a crush on someone. Especially when you know that it will go no where. I am in no place to offer my heart to someone....not because I am still hooked on the last...but I am horribly scared. I scared to think of someone, scared of being happy when I see or hear from them, scared to death of caring for someone again. Worst of all, scared to realized that they don't feel anything towards you. Scared that they might not be over their ex. Scared to know that all this is ridiculous. So I will let this be it, I said something about it and I will leave it here. Things will happen for a reason and if this was not meant to be the so be it. I can not sweat small things any more, I have way to much going for me right now to screw it up for a chance at having someone love me. I have friends that love me. I have a cat that loves me. ::giggles::

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