Saturday, February 12, 2011

As much as I love Hollywood.....

Romeo and Juliet.Image via WikipediaI sometimes can't stand it. I grew up on movies that showed when you get older a man will come rescue you from whatever you need rescuing from. They never showed that you would date a few guys that might be a little ridiculous, they never told you that you would have someone cheat on you, or how hard love would be. Then you get a little older and start to watch more "adult" style hollywood love. Which in my day were movies such as; Titanic, Romeo & Juliet, etc. So we went from Prince Charming to the man that fought for our love and proved to us that they were worthy of our hearts. All this and then our first teenage Romance. It didn't go as planned. Remember the way you felt, that this was the only person in the world that understood you. You two formed a Romeo and Juliet style love and then the breakup, the realization of college, the fact that you knew you weren't getting married to that person, what ever the case. You sat in your room crying listening to the same sappy song over and over and over again.

As you grow and get older you watch more and more of these "Movie Romances" and even though you know the story, you still go to the theater and watch them. You still buy them on dvd. The right guy always gets the right girl, the families always end up getting along, the person finally sees the light, all ends well, well maybe not for the chick in Fatal Attraction, but you get the idea. You go through a couple semi-serious relation ships, some good, some bad, some that you ended up being friends in the end, then you meet that one. The one that changes your whole world.  The one that you would do anything for, sacrifice, give up things. You feel as if they are your oxygen, your food, water, your everything.  You spend most of the relationship thinking how lucky you are that this person is with you, that you could love someone so much. You start planning a future. You tell yourself that this was the one you have been waiting for. 

Then it happens, you break up. Your heart gets ripped out right from your chest, stomped on and you are left standing all by yourself in the middle of a dark room. You think that you can't go on, you think that life is going to stop right there. You don't understand what happened or why. Wishing that if you only knew how to make things better you would. Each day that passes you do things that temporarily make you feel a little more around. Which unfortunately for some is a crap ton of crappy food. You gain weight, you cry, you watch every sappy movie known to the universe. You cry some more. Then you call your friends, they do all they can to cheer you up. Finally it happens.

You wake up one day and realize that you can do this, you can get on with your life. You start to think about yourself and how to make yourself happy again.  You start working out, getting out, living again. Slowly but surely and with the help of your friends you start to become yourself again. You see things from the outside, you begin to realize that maybe they weren't the one that you were supposed to be with forever. Things get better day by day. You return to do things that make you happy. You wake up one day, breath deeply in and say I can move on.

Love always surprises me, I know now that I am capable of loving someone with so much intensity and devotion and I know now that I can become whole again after a break up. I am not discouraged from the fact that there is someone out there for me. I know that one day I will find my match. Just because I am not searching for it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It will find me when the time is right. Until then I have wonderful friends and family, I know love me for me. My fairy tale will happen and my movie continuously plays.

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