Monday, February 28, 2011

Another chance missed

Well as I said, I jinx myself all the time. I guess it wasn't meant to be but I can't help to think that I did something. I always doing something. I mean why am I always in these situations? I know I am silly, I know that I can be out of control sometimes but that's just part of me. Nothing to be completely hated or ignored. I feel as if I am in the predicament that I was in two years ago. I feel as if I want to give up on the ideas that I have. I feel as if I will come to find out that they are all the same. I'm just so done with feeling this lost. I know what I want out of life in general, I have great opportunities for design work, several of my  other ideas are becoming reality, so why is it the one thing that I want, the one thing that I have always wanted I can never find. Love. I am so tired of people telling me to be patient and calm when they have someone they go home to, or when I am the third or fifth wheel at events. Yes, there is good things about being alone but I have a big heart, is it so wrong to enjoy love. I have been hurt just like everyone else and I still don't want to give up on the idea that I will find it. Maybe I am just to different. I keep saying how lucky I am for having friends that love me, for which I am and grateful for. Yet, there is something about knowing that you have someone there to hold and cuddle with you. I know I will get over this like I always do, but right now I am really hurt, really sad. I thought something was finally going to happen to me and it didn't. So I think today the weather reflects my mood and sore heart.

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